Title: Separate Reasons
Author: Kizmet
email: kkizmet@hotmail.com

Summary: AU version of Buffy finds out about Riley's little vampire habbit.

Disclaimer: Characters and Premise are borrowed from the show "Buffy, the
Vampire Slayer."
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"Spike!" Buffy called.

The peroxide blond vampire turned to look at the Slayer, every line of her
body betrayed anger, but a hurt anger, not the annoyed anger she usually
directed at him. "Buffy?" He said uncertainly.

"You want to have sex with me, right?" Buffy asked.

Spike drifted closer to her and cautiously brushed a strand of golden hair
from her face. "You know I do Pet."

"Good, lets go," Buffy replied.

"Go where?" Spike asked wondering what the Hell was going on.

"The Sunnydale Motor Inn, thats where people go for things like this isnt
it?" Buffy replied angrily.

They walked to the sleazy motel in silence, Spike watching the Slayer
curiously, Buffy staring straight ahead, walking with quick determined
strides.

"Go get the key for room five," Buffy commanded when they arrived at the
hotel.

"What if its occupied?" Spike asked.

"Its not, not anymore."

"Why that room?"

"Spike, I didnt come here to talk," Buffy exclaimed.

"No Luv," Spike replied, hesitantly kissing her. When she didnt push him
away or break his nose again, Spike embraced her, pulling her tight against
his body. He could feel her heart pounding rapidly in her chest. Her lips
parted slightly, Spike reciprocated, letting her breath fill his lungs,
bring the taste of her into him.

Buffy pulled away, Spike stared at her in confusion. "Key," Buffy
instructed.

"Right," Spike stammered, "Key, room five."

As Spike left to obtain the key Buffy felt tears welling up for what had to
be the hundredth time in the last two hours. She pushed them down viciously,
drawing back the protective shield of anger.

When Spike returned he took Buffys hand and led her to the chosen room. To
Buffys surprise he looked nervous and excited all at once, more an
uncertain youth than a master vampire.

The instant Spike stepped into the room he knew why this room had been
chosen, it certainly wasnt the why hed have chosen. On the other hand,
Buffy suddenly wanted him and it was enough that she did, he just wouldnt
let himself care about why.

He shut and locked the door behind them. Buffy sat on the bed suddenly shy.
Spike sat beside her and gently pulled her into his arms. Buffy passively
accepted his tentative kiss.

Why do you want me? Buffy asked.

Youre beautiful, Spike replied kissing the corner of her mouth.
Dangerous, alive, powerful, warm, the ultimate forbidden fruit and I was
never any good at resisting temptation.

Buffy smiled slightly at that and Spike felt a bolt of pleasure, hed done
that, he made her smile. Not much could these days, what with her mum so
sick and all.

How could I not want you? he whispered kissing her again. This time she
kissed him back.

Spike tugged at her tee shirt, freeing it from her skirt then breaking their
kiss to pull it over her head. Spike traced delicate circles on her smooth
skin, making her shiver with desire. He could smell her arousal.

Only two little buttons secured the wrap-around skirt she wore and in
moments, Buffy was clad only in two scrapes of white satin.

Spike guided her to lie back on the bed, for the moment he just wanted to
look. So perfect, he breathed. Just like I dreamed.

You dream about me? Buffy asked uncertainly. Naked dreams?

All the time pet, Spike whispered, wondering at the fear in her eyes, it
was something hed never seen in her before, no matter what she faced. She
was such a study in contradictions: fragile steel, ancient child, fleeting
immortal, Slayer and Buffy always, all at once, so totally remarkable.

Almost reverently Spike brushed his thumb across her cheek, down the slender
column of her neck, between her breasts to the front clasp of her simple
white satin bra. How she had come to mean so much to him, Spike didnt know
or care, but he loved her. Loved her the only way he knew how, with no
reservations.

Hed given his heart exactly three times in one hundred and forty-six years
of existence, both as a vampire and as a mortal, and never once had he given
it wisely. Cecily, the love of his human life, had found his affection
embarrassing and tiresome. Hed intended to kill her after he became a
vampire but had backed down at the last second. Hed gone to yet another of
his old sets parties, but this time he hadnt gone there to hide in the
shadows writing bad poetry and being mocked. Most of them Spike had just
killed but he saved Cecily and Richards, he felt he had to do something
special for them.

Richards, the bastard whod claimed hed rather have a railroad spike driven
through his head than listen to Williams poetry, got his wish, but not
before Spike had driven the spike through any number of other interesting
body parts. And that just left Cecily, Spike hadnt actually figured out
what he was going to do to her. Throughout the whole massacre shed just
stared at him in shock, but when he turned to her, her tears finally came,
no sobs or screams or pleading for her life, just silent tears and Spike
found he couldnt bring himself to touch her. Not even the loss of his soul
had changed his heart. He turned and walked out, leaving her unharmed.

Spike went back to his new family, back to Drucillia and into insanity. At
first Dru had treated him like a new toy that she could play with or discard
as suited her fancy. She hadnt even comprehended how it hurt him when she
went to Angelus bed. Then Spike had arrived at the brilliant conclusion
that if Angelus saw him as a rival rather than an amusement for Dru, Dru
would also see him in that light and naturally she would choose him over the
older vampire once she realized that she had to choose. It worked like a
charm too, well all but the last part. Dru had adored being fought over and
by playing Spike and Angelus against one another she usurped a position of
power in their little dysfunctional family. Darla hated that of course, and
immediately set about winning back Angelus undivided attention. It was a
wonder they didnt kill each other, but Spike was too young to seriously
challenge Angelus and Angelus was too vain to win their contest by killing
the younger vampire, because that would have meant admitting Spike was an
actual threat to his position. Dru was having the time of her unlife and
wouldnt dream of killing any of the players in her little drama. Darla
would have loved to kill both Spike and Dru but was afraid of Angelus
reaction should she kill Dru and as long as Spike lived Drus attention
would remain divided. So they went on in that fashion for better then two
decades, until Angelus disappeared and Darla went back to the Master,
leaving Spike exactly where he wanted to be: alone with Dru.

It had been perfection, but it hadnt lasted. First came Prague and Drus
injuries, then Sunnyhell and Buffy Summers. It all started innocently
enough, Spike had wanted to kill another Slayer but her little friends, her
mother, and his soulful ancestor kept getting in the way. Spike studied her,
started fantasizing about killing her, about the two of them going at it
till one submitted and then thered only be one. It stopped being about
killing another Slayer and started being about killing this Slayer. Only it
he couldnt do it, he couldnt begin the dance, injuries and lost souls and
deals complicated what should have been a simple straight forward
relationship. Fantasy turned to frustration, frustration to obsession.

Then Dru misinterpreted his thoughts, or maybe it was him that was mistaken
about his feeling. In any case, his dark princess showed him the door.
Miserable and drunk more often than not, Spike had drifted till he found
himself back in Sunnyhell. He thought he found clarity there and headed
back, ready to conquer the world and win Drucillias love again. He didnt
even make it to the boarder before his dreams turned back to the blond
Slayer. After that Spike got seriously drunk. He found some filthy pit of a
boarder town where liquor was cheaper than water and a few more dead bodies
didnt even raise eyebrows. Spike had still been there almost six months
later when hed seen Harm for the first time. She was this little blond
thing who talked like the slayer and was so young that her blood still
tasted of the California sun. Once hed sobered up, Spike found her a vapid,
clingy creature, not at all like the Slayer, and with that realization came
the acknowledgement that his obsession with his Slayer went beyond
dominating her in battle.

Determined to end this insanity, Spike went back to Sunnydale, for the gem
of Amara and more importantly for one last confrontation with Buffy. He got
neither. First he chased after the ring and got humiliated, not to mention
having his hair set on fire. Then he came back when his dreams of Buffy
turned too graphic: the two of them alone, nothing held back, no
interruptions, dancing to the death. His skill and strength verses hers and
in the brutal, all-encompassing nature of the fight, nothing existing
outside of the two them, outside of blows given and received. In the dreams
there was no end to fight, just him and Buffy, forever, totally focused on
the other, it was his new perfection. Spike needed it, it was his new drug
and he didnt even want to shake the addiction.

After the chip, when the fight became impossibility, the dreams got worse.
The dance lost its violence and Spike knew he didnt really want her dead
half as much as he wanted her in his bed. The final stunning blow had come
upon waking up from the dreams, a declaration of his love for Buffy still
filling his ears.

Spike knew what it meant and he knew he couldnt win a fight with his own
heart so he did the only thing he knew to do and through himself into loving
her and now here he was; with Buffy naked and willing beneath him in a room
that smelled of sex and blood and her boyfriend. It doesnt matter why,
Spike reminded himself.

He sat back on his knees both to admire her and to get rid of his own
clothes. Buffy watched him with an intent expression that spoke of more on
her mind than just lust. Trying to erase that look, Spike slowed his
movements, turning the shedding of cloths into a show, a tease.

Buffy wondered what she was doing here, an hour ago this had seemed like
such a good idea, both to get back at Riley and to have a question answered.
Now that she was here, sans clothing, it didnt seem like such a great plan.
Sure shed have evened the score with Riley, but Oh God, if Angel ever
found out Buffy didnt even want to imagine how Angel would react to this.
But there was still her question and Spike was perfect for that: He could be
counted on not to spare her feelings, he wanted her, he had plenty of
comparative experience, and he wasnt hard to look at. Buffy paused in that
line of thought to watch the movement of Spikes sculpted body as he removed
his tee shirt. Oh yeah, nothing wrong with his looks, Buffy thought
admiringly.

Hesitantly Buffy reached for the fastening on his jeans, if she really
wanted her question answered she needed to participate fully. Spike moaned
appreciatively as her fingers brushed against him as she fumbled with the
zipper. Buffy pushed his pants down over his hips, noting the lack of
anything between the jeans and his body. Marble pale over excruciatingly
defined muscles, Spike looked like a work of art and he moved like a cat.
Smooth, flowing powerful, bending over her, stealing a kiss from her parted
lips. One hand skimmed up her arm, brushing lightly against the swell of her
breast. He ducked his head and kissed the base of her throat, then his mouth
skimmed upwards to suck at her pulse point. Buffys heart pounded with a
thrill of fear. If not for the chip he could rip out her throat, kill her in
a fraction of the time it took to think it. They both knew it. Spike licked
one last time across skin that formed such a fragile barrier keeping him
from her lifes blood, then pulled back.

I wouldnt, even if I could, Spike said. Not tonight, not like this.

I dont believe you, Buffy replied. Not that it matters, you cant.

I cant, Spike echoed bitterly.

But you still get to take me, Buffy said by way of an apology.

Right, Spike whispered, leaning back over her, his lips brushed the curve
of her breast as he spoke. His mouth kept her attention focused on what he
was doing to her breasts, so she jumped in surprise as his cool fingers slid
into the moist warmth between her thighs.

He worked her gently as his mouth slid downwards to join his hand, the look
on Buffys face shifted from blissful to confused. Could it be that his
sexy Slayer honestly didnt know what he intended? Spike wondered. He
examined the data as he knew it; reading between the lines in the Watchers
diary (very dry reading, but well worth it for the reaction) told Spike
Buffy had lost her virginity with Angel the night hed lost his soul. So
theyd done it just that once, and knowing how Angel pictured the Slayer,
Spike would guess hed stuck to the basics, kept things sweet and innocent.
They would have gotten experimental later, once theyd gotten used to being
lovers, but they hadnt had the chance. The one nightstand didnt sound like
the type to care about anyones reactions but his own. As for Captain
Cardboard, he didnt have a creative bone in his body and if hed picked
anything up in his dalliances Spike couldnt imagine he had the nerve to
share it with Buffy.

Spike drew his tongue across her folds and Buffy squirmed, letting out a
high-pitched squeak. Didnt think Slayers made that noise, Spike
commented, earning an irritated and flustered look from Buffy. You want me
to stop? Spike asked.

No, Buffy exclaimed.

Spike grinned as he went back to what hed been doing. He could feel Buffys
pulse racing through her inner thigh, which rested against his cheek and
hear her breathing become ragged. He held her hips steady as she twisted and
squirmed trying to find release. When it came she arched off the bed with a
short shriek, every muscle in her body tightening then relaxing as she
collapsed, panting for air.

Spike slowly slid up her, letting friction build between their bodies,
enjoying her flushed, wide-eyed appearance. Carefully he let his weight
settle against her as he took her mouth in a deep kiss. Buffys legs
encircled his back, urging him into her. Spike gasped at her body heat
surrounding him, hed never been with a human, it felt like being burned
alive in the most pleasurable way.

Buffy clung to his shoulders, her fingers dug into his flesh with bruising
force. It felt good to be able to let go and forget that her strength was
more than human, to not have to worry about her partners relative
fragility.

Still no matter how good it felt a part of Buffy screamed that this was
wrong, a betrayal, and not of Riley who had already betrayed her.

Cool flesh absorbing her heat, strength that almost matched her own, the
coppery taste of his mouth that nothing could completely cover, it was all
too reminiscent of another, but Spikes significantly smaller frame
prevented her from even pretending that she was with Angel.

I need to know, Buffy reminded herself, flipping them over. This was
better, she decided, less like her one perfect night.

The change in position forced Spike deeper into her tight heat and he came
abruptly, his human seeming flickering then disappearing as he did.
Exhausted Buffy leaned forward, still joined to him, her arms braced against
his chest as she stared into his golden eyes. Was that good? Buffy asked.
Did I do it right?

What?! Spike asked, shock helping him to discard his demonic appearance.

Blushing Buffy separated herself from Spike and sat on the edge of the bed,
her back to him. I wanted to know if I was doing something wrong when I

This had to be the most bazaar after sex conversation hed ever had Spike
thought, even considering Drucillia, who was certifiably insane. Why would
you think that? Spike asked.

Riley needed someone else, Buffy said. Parker. And Angelus said I wasnt
good.

Spike sat next to Buffy, wrapping an arm lightly around her shoulders. They
sat in silence while Spike arranged his thoughts. Ive heard the Witch tell
you what kind of person your Parker was. Forget him, he didnt deserve you,
Spike said finally. And by Angelus, I take it you mean the homicidal
psychopath and not the soul-having poof? Buffy nodded.

You and I both know that one lived for mind games and you were the one he
was playing with. He would have told you he was the tooth fairy if it would
have hurt you. Truth was you were his biggest obsession ever, and for
Angelus obsession is as close to love as he ever got. He adored watching
you, you know. Sometimes hed get so caught up in it hed end up getting
scorched on his way back to the lair. Even survival couldnt compete with
you for his attention. Does it sound like he was disappointed in you in any
way?

Im not doing anything wrong? Buffy asked.

No luv, youre wonderful, Spike assured her, pulling her back down, so
they were lying together again, her head pillowed on his shoulder, his arms
wrapped around her.

So whyd Riley want someone else? Buffy asked, tears filling her eyes. He
got something that I couldnt give him from some vampire whore. What am I
missing?

Spike considered telling her. Explaining to her that her mistakes with Riley
hadnt happened in bed, but in every time that she turned away from him,
choosing to handle her problems without his support. Spike considered it,
then decided it wouldnt help him. Nothing luv, he said. The problems
with Riley not you. Hes probably just stupid.

It hurts, Buffy said. Seeing him here with her. I saw them leave the bar
together; I wonder what they were doing so I followed them. I guess I did
know, somewhere deep down. I didnt think he knew what she was, I was going
to let him get the shock of his life then save him, but he knew. He let her
feed off him after they did it. I could see that he liked it. I staked her
anyway. When she turned to dust and he saw me, he just said my name like he
couldnt believe I was there. I ran then, straight to you, I wanted to hurt
him.

I know, I knew as soon as we walked into the room, Spike said. And I
dont care why, Ive my own reasons for wanting this.

So were okay? Buffy asked. Well the same as always anyway. You hating me
because Im the Slayer, me grudgingly tolerating your continued existence
because Im a good guy so I cant kill you while youre harmless right?

Were okay, Spike said. And if you still have any idiot ideas about there
being something wrong with you, know that I still want you. Id do this
again if you ever asked, itd be fun.